Our favorite journals are handmade by Erica Birk and available at www.absolutelyevo.com

Why journal? There really are some rewards!

Food journaling is a pain. No one likes to write down everything that goes between their lips. Add weighing and measuring, and calorie, fat and carb counting to the mix, and we call that a recipe for disaster.

Consider this:

• Most people think they eat less than they do;
• have no idea how many extra calories they consume mindlessly throughout the day;
• slowly gain weight over the years – as much as three pounds annually – which at year one or two does not show. But after a decade or two….

Enter food journaling, but with a twist. It really is not too hard to accomplish, and our clients tell us it becomes a habit after a few days.

1.    Buy yourself a journal that you like, one that you can take with you wherever you go.

2.    Buy a writing tool that is easy to use, and if color is your thing, go for it. Many of our clients use their journals not only to track their foods but to doodle and draw, making some of them little works of art.

3.    Write down everything you eat. Everything. Even that stick of gum or tic tac you popped into your mouth for sweet breath.

4.    Once you master the food part, start including how that food made you feel. For example, if you had an egg for breakfast and still was not hungry at 1 p.m., that’s interesting news. So is eating a bagel or donut at 7 a.m. and then being ravenous three hours later.

This journal is all about awareness, the first step in creating a new you. Once you begin to make the connection between the food you eat and how it affects your health and energy, you begin to experiment and naturally make better choices.

Need more convincing? A large study that tracked food loggers over three years found that those who journaled lost twice as much weight as those who didn’t.

Whose body is this?

I hate to have my picture taken and avoid it whenever possible. But since I really believed that this time I was going to lose the weight FOREVER, I decided I wanted a BEFORE picture, so I could chronical my journey. I should also add that I never looked at the BEFORE picture until Tuesday.

The why I looked at it is actually funny. The picture at the right is me, which I took by mistake Tuesday night in a restaurant bathroom. I was taking a picture of the mirror (I want to replicate it in my house), was in a hurry, and didn't stop to think that I would be in the photo.

When I looked at the photo I was amazed, first that I was in the picture, but more importantly, that it was finally obvious to me that I am losing weight. Under that wrap was a jacket and a shell -- and my silhouette is just so much slimmer than my BEFORE picture, below, that I finally dug out.

The point in all this?

For those of us who avoid the camera, we lose sight of our body image. Most of us avoid mirrors too, and when we look in one, it is close-up, to put on make-up, shave or comb our hair. We have no concept about how heavy we really are.

My advice to anyone who is really sincere about shedding pounds: Take a full-length picture. At every 10 pounds loss, snap another one. You'll know when it is time to take a look at your progress. And when you get there, be prepared to be amazed. 

Honest truth

I am still suffering from a negative body image, even though I know that 42 pounds is an awesome amount of weight to lose. And I am not alone:

• About 91 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting.
• Only 5% of women possess the body type portrayed by women in the media.
• 33% of men are unhappy with their bodies.

Negative body image is an unrealistic view of how someone sees their body. These thoughts are usually formed in childhood, but body image continues to form as you age and receive feedback from your friends and family. And if you live in an affluent community like Fairfield County, skinny and blonde is the preferred pedigree. Since I am neither, self-doubts and critical inner thoughts have been shouting loud and clear in my mind.

Until now!

So what changed? Mindful eating. I teach insight mindfulness meditation, which has really helped me change many of my age-old patterns of behavior. Over the past four years, my business partner and I have been trained in six mindful eating programs -- some great, some really ridiculous.

But we learned so much. And we combined some of what we learned with the techniques we teach in mindfulness, and developed our own mindful eating program that I can honestly say is much different than any other program out there.

It has permanently changed my relationship with food. I am at peace with what I eat. And I am finally at peace with my body. The pictures helped. But honestly, the change is within.

I finally understand that losing weight is not a race. It will probably take me another year to reach my goal weight. That’s OK. Because of one truth:

Every pound I lose now is a pound gone, never to return. I’m losing pounds that I have no intention of ever finding again.

Give Diet? Not Again! a try!

Make DNA part of your DNA.

What have you got to lose?

Call 203-612-7160

Losing weight and no one is noticing

I started losing weight about a year ago, deciding that this time there would be no fast diets. I want to do this for good this time. So far I have lost 42 of the 80 pounds I need to shed, and guess what: no one has noticed my weight loss. I’m tall, 5’ 10”, so I hide some weight. But....

Yesterday I was really thinking about this and came to some conclusions:

1.  I am still fat. I need to lose 38 pounds. That’s 4 10-pound bags of potatoes. 

2.  People don’t really look that carefully at others. And if they do notice, maybe they are afraid or embarrassed to ask. 

3.  Most significantly: They still see me as fat. 

That last one hurts but it is the reality I need. 

For the past few months this has really bothered me. I want people to notice, to tell me good job, and encourage me on as bystanders do for runners at a race.

Not anymore. What I identified above was not easy to do but it was an important exercise because it made me think of my ultimate why. Why am I on this journey?

And bottom line: I am not losing weight for other people. I am doing it for me. And I know how much I am losing. And most importantly, I know why and that will keep me going.

And one of these days I know someone will look at me and ask: "Are you losing weight?" And I'll burst out laughing.

Give Diet? Not Again! a try!

Make DNA part of your DNA.

What have you got to lose?

Call 203-612-7160

The big picture

One of the first mindful tasks I did on my journey to shed pounds was to find out why I wanted to lose weight.

For me it was key, because my M.O. was to lose weight for an event – a wedding, a vacation, a reunion. The week before the event luscious, sugary food treats would begin to invade my mind.

When the big day came, instead of congratulating myself on a job well done, I awoke thinking about all the foods I could eat that day. If anyone could read my mind they would see ice cream, cookies, cake, Twizzlers – all the foods I had deprived myself of for way-too-many months.

And eat I did, because I told myself the next morning I would wake up and go right back to my diet. And you know what happened next: The next morning came and went. And the pounds started to creep back on, until one day I said enough, would get on the scale, and discover – if I was lucky – that I was back to where I started. In most cases, I had packed on extra weight.

What was different this time?

I looked at the big picture. I was not losing weight for an event. Here’s what I asked myself:

Why do you want to lose weight?

Because I want to look good.

Why?

Because I am tired of my fat clothes and want a new wardrobe.

Why?

Because I feel better and more confident when I am wearing something new and honestly, I am so tired and my knees hurt that my confidence is at an all-time low.

Why?

Because I am eating foods that make me tired and keep me fat and because I want to be healthy.

Why?

Because I want to lead a healthy, long life. And if I keep going, I will not do that.

Why?

No answer. So I found my big picture. I wrote it down and keep it posted all over my house.

So here’s what to do.

Get out a piece of paper and do this exercise, trying to find your big-picture why.

Please make sure your why is not event drive. Why? Because that just sets you up for failure.

Give Diet? Not again! a try!

What have you got to lose?

Call 203-612-7160

Finding my WHY

1,215 days ago I stopped posting, because honestly, I decided my blogging days were over.

However, over the past three years I have discovered some important things about the way I eat -- all in my quest to answer this elusive question:

How could I possibly fix my eating habits if I couldn't explain WHY I do what I do?

For example:

·         Why do I eat healthy foods one day, and then decided the next day that ice cream and cookies are what I really need?

·         Why do I exercise one day, and then choose to be a couch potato the next?

·         Why do I cook a really great dinner one night, and the next day decide take-out pizza is so much better for me?

The WHY is not easy to figure out.

Have I figured everything out? Of course not. But I have figured out the important whys, and that is what I will begin sharing in this space.

I will also share how I went about changing.

The first key for me was embracing mindfulness.

Mindfulness in action

More than three years ago I co-founded Pathway to Mindfulness, and daily teach clients how to build a sustainable mindful meditation practice that changes patterns of behavior. I have watched thousands of people transform their lives, including me, but the one thing I REALLY wanted to change – my weight – seemed to be out of my reach.

But then, I began to approach losing weight as a mindful journey, without judgment.

I also embraced curiosity, which I believe is key to changing your life. I have learned a lot about my body, what can set me off on a binge, and how my moods are directly linked to the food I eat.

My new mantra: I am not losing weight. I am getting rid of it with no intention of ever finding it again. But I am doing this all with a mindful intent.

If I can conquer this, anyone can!

The insanity stopped....

....and I know the how but have no idea about the why.

I did Ann Louise Gittleman's Smoothie Shakedown for two weeks, with all intentions of going off it for a week (as Gittleman suggests), and then back on it for another two weeks.

I had the days all worked out, and my first day off that diet would have been Thanksgiving. And as I was plotting how I would face yet another holiday trying to diet and failing miserably, I took a three-hour class in mindfulness.

This topic is not new to me. In fact, I spent a week at Kripalu (a yoga retreat in the Berkshires of Massachusetts) practicing the concept three years ago. And although I came home and embraced it for a few weeks, I could never make it part of my life.

But now, it seems to have become part of my being.

For the first time in my life I am at peace with food. I am not dieting, instead simply making good food choices. The restaurant meals that once haunted me have become my friend. I scour the menus really reading each offering, deciding what to eat not based on the calorie count but how appealing the food sounds. I know that since I am eating so slowly, I will only eat half of the meal.

The result? In the past three weeks I have lost 10 pounds, not an earth-shattering amount of weight but I am more proud of these 10 pounds than any other 10 pounds I have ever lost.

Why now? I have numerous theories but the one I like the best is that I have forgiven myself, and my body is responding to the kindness I am now showing it. I know it sounds weird, but then my relationship with food has been anything but normal. Ever.

Until now. Consider the pantry full of snacks awaiting a Thanksgiving visit from my Seattle daughter and her family. Pretzels, nuts, cheese and crackers: All the stuff I never could keep in my house. Now it's there, but my desire to eat any of it is not. It is for my six grandchildren, my children, their spouses and my husband. But if I want a pretzel or cheese and cracker, I will eat it, and enjoy every last morsel.

Last night at book club I took a tiny serving of green tea ice cream because I always wanted to try it. That tiny bit of sweet was enough to salve my hunger. In the past, I would have refused the ice cream and once home, would start eating enough food until I satisfied the beast within. Last night I came home and went to sleep.

I like the new me. Now, instead of praying that I will not stray, I can honestly say that this time I think I have found the key that is unlocking the gate to weight loss. And the perpetual smile that is on my face is testament to this. I am present in my life and I could not be happier.

The insanity continues

Well, that last diet failed. It's not that I didn't like it. I did.

I just felt bloated and gassy all the time. Too many beans I guess.

Last week I returned to my old faithful, Ann Louise Gittleman's Fat Flush. But this time I decided to go all out and bought into her Smoothie Shakedown. Two smoothies a day and one meal.

I also decided I needed to start cooking -- and our dinners the past few nights have been excellent. Flavorful and filling.

I know her diet works. I also know that if you follow her advice you will lose weight -- actually pretty quickly -- sleep better and really look younger, something I really need to do right now. I am feeling fat, old and ugly -- because eating like Dr. Furhman suggested made my stomach expand to the point that I look nine months pregnant.

There are a lot of rules in Fat Flush, rules that for years I have resisted. But now I need a schedule. I need to journal. I need to take vitamins three times a day. I need to drink lots of water -- and when it comes to Fat Flush that water is mixed with no sugar added cranberry juice.

The structure is working right now.

I headlined this blog insanity -- because that is what I have done for years. The insanity of dieting, losing weight, gaining weight has been anything but a good formula to follow. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I know what works. And I am so tired of yo-yoing. But I've been here before. I pray this time it works. And with a little luck, it will continue to work until I finally can face looking at myself in the mirror.

Just eat

Everyone knows you need to eat fruits and vegetables. But how many of us really eat the amount we should?

I began this week eating like a nutritarian -- which is Dr. Joel Furhman's prescription for a long, healthy life. If I wanted to, I could eat everything pictured spread through my three daily meals, but of course I would never be able to eat that much food in one day.

But looking at this picture, I bet if I added up all the calories in all that food, it would not reach the amount of calories I once ate daily. In fact, I would bet it would come in at least half the calories of my once daily total.

So here's a paragraph from Furhman's "The End of Dieting" that resonates:

"The bottom line is that you needn't adopt any extreme fad diet; instead, eat lots of natural plant foods. Forget fat. Forget carbohydrates. Don't worry about carbohydrate-to-protein ratios -- and for your own sake -- please ditch the diets. We need to stop the low-fat extremism, high-protein extremism (believe it or not, this is gaining popularity too). None of this is constructive to solving our nation's confusion and dietary quagmire."

Confusion and quagmire can just about sum up my eating life. If I read back over my blog, I find myself grasping at various diet plans, hoping that one will work while all others have failed. I also find myself going back to diets that have failed me in the past: Weight Watchers and Paleo.

I am tired so, so tired of dieting.

We should all follow Dr. Furhman's advice:

"Health is the first consideration; weight  is secondary."

180-degree turn

Yet again, I started searching for a new diet last week.

Although I loved Paleo, I started thinking that meat with every meal -- even if it is organic and grass fed -- or chicken, fish or eggs cannot be good for a body.

And while it made me feel terrific that last time I was on it, this time I felt horrid. No energy. Not sleeping. Cranky. Really craving peanut butter, and honestly that is something I hardly ever eat.

I was avoiding breakfast because I really don't like eggs, and meat in the morning does not cut it for me. I always eat a big salad at lunch, and it was always the chicken I had to include that I ate last. It wasn't appealing anymore. Dinners were amazing, and they should be if you can have great protein, fat and a bunch of wonderful spices. Paleo recipes really do rock, but dinner was so good I was eating too much, which is exactly why I was not losing.

But the main reason I started searching for a new diet plan was that my blood pressure was not going down. In fact, most days it was up.

Enter Joel Fuhrman's latest, "The End of Dieting." I had seen Dr. Furhman on Dr. Oz a few years ago and bought his "Eat To Live." It didn't resonate with me. I was so not ready to become a vegan.

But with the newest iteration of his diet, you can include a little meat, chicken or fish each week. And it fits perfectly with the name of this blog.

So I am giving it a try. and wishing myself luck.

Day 5

This little guy depicts exactly how I am feeling this morning: happy and worthy of a gold star because this is my fifth day eating clean.

Monday I decided to ease into Paleo gently, because I knew I would be going out to dinner Wednesday night. Wednesday I woke up almost paralyzed, first because I was going out, and second because my friends decided Mexican was the way to go that night. In most cases, Mexican food contains everything that makes my digestive track scream with pain.

So I prepared. Checked the online menu and decided to order steak -- hold the beans and rice -- which I did. I know the steak was not organic, grass-fed, but it was steak, accompanied by non-organic guacamole, salsa and a vinegar coleslaw -- about as Paleo friendly as I could get. I also followed Paleo guru Robb Wolf's drink trick -- tequila with fresh lime and seltzer. Definitely lip puckering, but baby sips made that drink last through the four-hour gab fest I had with my friends. I focused on the conversation and them, and was able to pass up the two desserts that kept circulating 'round and 'round the table.

Was it a perfect Paleo meal? Nah. But did it make me feel in control and really proud of myself? Absolutely.

But most importantly, it convinced me that I can embrace a Paleo  lifestyle and not feel deprived. I can go out to dinner -- an important part of my life -- and if I plan and make good choices, I can eat well and be happy.

I am so tired of diets that control my life and make me miss out on living. I am tired of weighing and counting. I am tired of eating straw and telling myself that it's not bad. And I am tired of the latest food craze.

I want to eat clean, unprocessed foods. I want to shop the perimeter of the market. I want to look at my grocery basket and say there is nothing in it that will clog my arteries.

Our days on Earth are numbered, and I want to enjoy each and every one of them to the fullest.

A start and an end to the day

Two recipes to share today, one my ode to fall, because it really is around the corner, the second, a great way to dress up grilled fish.

The first recipe came about after I read that Starbuck's Pumpkin Spiced Latte is back, which is sheer perfection for your taste buds, and anything but perfection for your body. And it is so not Paleo. My version is not the same, but honestly it is pretty terrific and definitely reminds me of the cooler weather that is just around the corner. And check out my mug: from my favorite non-profit, The Center for Family Justice that fights domestic and sexual assault in six Fairfield County towns in my neck of the woods.

Good Morning Punkin'

1 cup organic black coffee
1 Tblsp. canned organic pumpkin
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 Tblsp. organic coconut oil

• Mix everything in a blender, whirl for a few seconds until frothy, and pour into your favorite mug. Makes 1 cup.

Our friend Tom Giordano has the best hobby in the world: fishing. And he knows how much we love the blue fish he catches in Long Island Sound, and thankfully is willing to share. The following is an adaptation from what I call my fish bible, James Peterson's "Fish & Shellfish." It's an adaptation because I omitted the tablespoon of brown sugar in the sauce. If you're not Paleo, add it. If you are, believe me when I say you won't miss the added sweetness.

Indonesian-Style Grilled Blue Fish

Two bluefish filets, cleaned and trimmed
4 shallots, peeled
2 garlic cloves, peeled
1 Thai chilies or 4 jalapeno chilies, seeded (I used one jalapeno but included the seeds, where most of the heat lives)
Two 5-inch piece of lemongrass, finely sliced
Juice of 2 limes
1 14-oz. can full-fat unsweetened organic coconut milk
2 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. ground coriander
Salt

• Place the shallots, garlic, chilies. lemongrass and lime juice in the container of a blender and process until everything is finely diced.
• In a saucepan, add the paste and the remaining ingredients, except for the fish. Bring to a boil and gently stir every few minutes to keep the mixture from sticking to the pan. Keep boiling until it thickens to a paste. Season with salt to your liking. Peterson says the mixture should be very salty, but personally, too much salt is off-putting to me.
• Smear both sides of the fish with the paste.
• Grill the fish for five minutes on one side over medium heat. Flip, add some of the past to the cooked side, and cook another five minutes.

Makes 4 servings.

Patting myself on my Paleo back!

Why is the patting taking place? Because today is Tuesday and I made it through one day eating clean Paleo.

And last night I was asking myself why I had ever gone off this way of eating? I actually had an answer:
1. Laziness: Although Paleo meals are delicious, you really have to plan, grocery shop and cook -- and sometimes that mix is not easy.
2. Boredom: It usually starts when I am craving a pizza with sausage and garlic, that contains everything my stomach hates: bread and cheese. If I could only remember before we order the pizza that I am going to be up all night with stomach pains and heartburn maybe that order would never happen.
3. I HAVE NO IDEA. If I knew, I would unlock the reason why I stop eating good-for-me foods and fill up on junk.

I want this all to stop.

Once and fall all and forever.

Yo-yo writing

It's hard to maintain a blog, especially when life gets in the way.

It's also hard to write when you lack a focus.

Since I first began this blog I have been on too many diets to count -- even though the purpose of this blog is to not diet.

And that means I am a fraud. It also means I am human, and like many of the thousands of people who want to lose weight, the only way we can do so is to go on our favorite four-letter word: DIET.

We feel in control. We pat ourselves on the back when we weigh, measure, count Points or eat only watermelon for a day. And then one day a switch goes off in our brains and we just start eating. Maybe just a nibble here, but hell, since you had a nibble might as well stuff your face.

And start your diet again the next day.

Been there? Then you know that next day often occurs three months later.

Can you tell how angry I am at myself?

Tomorrow I am waking up and starting to eat Paleo once again, because according to all the testing I had done last summer, it is the way my body wants me to eat.

So I'm back, writing again.

Easy to trick

Two years ago, I spent a week at Kripalu Center for Yoga Health learning all about mindful eating. It was a magical, lovely week, and although I am still not anywhere near my goal weight, some of the principles I learned that week have remained part of my daily life.

Mindful eating is all about paying attention to everything that goes into your mouth. To slow down. To concentrate on the food and how it tastes. To put your fork down between bites and chew your food thoroughly.

When I returned from Kripalu, I started using a salad plate for all my meals instead of a large dinner plate. Although I know I am not putting as much food on the salad plate, just the act of filling the plate to the rim with food makes me feel good.

I just read another trick that I think makes perfect sense: Ditch the large fork for the salad one. And while you’re at it, eat with your non-dominant hand, for me, my left. I tried it last night and boy does it work. Spearing food with my left hand is not a pretty sight. At times, I was frustrated, but I persevered because it slowed down my eating. I sat at the table reminding myself that there was not reason to rush through my meal.

So smaller – and slower – it is.

Breaking the daily fast

I have a love/hate relationship with breakfast. I am not a fan of  eggs, so scratch that breakfast. Cold cereals leave me, well, cold. I've tried the Paleo way -- protein, and lots of it for breakfast -- but although it filled me up, it wasn't for me.

And my wheat allergy cuts out a whole category of breakfast dishes that are appealing: pancakes, waffles, English muffins, and on and on.

I've been reading a lot about dieting recently, and over and over again I find research that says successful dieters always eat breakfast. There is also research that suggests having the same breakfast day after day -- although it may sound boring -- is actually helpful because you don't have to think about what to eat during the early-morning rush.

So, for the last four days, I have made a breakfast that takes 4 minutes from start to finish, it's very filling, and I also like it. It's probably not for everyone, but it works for me. Plus, I'm getting lots of  protein, key to keeping me sated through the  morning.

MORNING CEREAL
1 serving, 6 WW Points

1/4 cup cream of rice
1 cup water
2 tsp. honey
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ginger
1 banana, sliced
1/2 cup non-fat Greek yogurt
6 blackberries, halved

• Mix cream of wheat, water and spices in a microwave safe bowl. Microwave on high for 1  minute. Stir. Microwave another minute on high. Stir. Microwave on high 30 seconds. Stir.
• Add banana and yogurt, mix well, and stir. Top with blackberries and sprinkle on some more cinnamon to make it not so white!
• If you want it warm, return to microwave for 1 minute. If not, eat as is.

REPEAT DAILY! Or until I really can't stand it anymore....

Yet again

For months, I was eating terrific foods. But in January, something clicked, and all the foods I had avoided for months started calling. And calling they did. Even my fat clothes don't fit.

So Monday, I finally got up the nerve to jump on the scale, and the result brought tears to my eyes: I am the heaviest I have ever been. Honestly, I didn't need the scale to tell me this. My knees ache. My shoulder hurts. My hands are cramping.

My body has been telling me for weeks to knock off the junk food. Yesterday, I decided I better start listening.

I joined Weight Watchers and started eating like a normal person yesterday. Of course, my noon salad was enough to feed six, but I figured ODing on greens is lots better than the candy, crackers, cookies and nuts that have been my go-to foods for months.

So, I'm back. I'm enthusiastic, which is always the way I feel whenever I start eating well. It's keeping up the momentum that's key.

And so, I write!

The sweet life

Last night, at the end of a successful Day 1 on Whole 30, I decided that the gorgeous organic peach I picked up at the market would make a yummy little dessert.

And boy did it!


The peach was diced -- skin and all, kissed with a bit of fresh lemon juice, and lightly sauteed in a small pan with a tiny bit of coconut oil until a bit soft. Into a small baking dish it went.

I mixed together a few chopped pecans with a little shredded coconut, and sprinkled this on top of the peaches. A few minutes under the broil -- to crisp the topping -- and it was done.

No deprivation here! It was the perfect end to a wonderful day of clean eating. I could eat like this forever....