Monday, March 7, 2011

Meet Pallin and Hebzabah

Last week I was renewed, determined to stay on track and start seriously shedding pounds. Then the weekend came, and my resolve flew away.

Why can't I be trusted to stay on track, to avoid cheesecake and lemon squares, to just say no to temptation when it's put in front of me?

And when I ate the cheesecake and lemon squares, did that make me happy? Sure they were yummy, but did they make me happy? Of course not. Yet again, I was angry at myself, and the negative voice started taking over, telling me what a failure I am.

And no matter how hard I tried to tell the negative voice to go away, she was there to stay, invading my thoughts, so instead of getting up Sunday morning determined to eat well, I had some more lemon squares Sunday afternoon. And a brownie, because the person passing them out made me feel guilty for first saying no.

Today I woke up and reality smacked me in the face. I am my worst enemy, the one who sabotages my good intentions. I am giving away my power to either food or someone who wants me to eat food. How sad. And although I have danced around this knowledge for years, this morning it is making sense to me.

If I am really going to fight my battle of the bulge, it has to come from deep within me, because deep within is my the desire to lose weight -- once and for all. And deep within is that positive voice, the one who encourages me to make good food choices. I just have to find and embrace her, so when cheesecake and lemon squares are put in front of me, she is gently whispering in my ear that I am better them those sweets, that I can say no, and if I do, I will wake up the next day happy and certainly healthier.

Today, I named my negative voice Pallin. And my positive voice is Hepzabah, a pet name my father called me when I was a child. I cringe when I say Pallin, and smile when I say Hepzabah, so this should work.

It's all about becoming the master of my universe. It's time to tap into the power within me. I know it's there. I also know that it wants what's best for me.

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