Thursday, February 17, 2011

Mind over matter

Yesterday was a horrid day. If left to my own devices, I would have eaten everything in sight. I didn't. But I could have.

I HATE days like yesterday, when all I do is fight with myself. Good Val yells at bad Val, and then bad Val yells louder ('cause she can), and usually wins out.

On my drive home last night, I almost drove into one market for some Twizzlers. Instead, I decided to try the visualization technique I wrote about yesterday. As I was driving by market No. 1 -- and market No. 2 a mile away -- I was mentally eating my 30 Twizzlers sticks, one by one. At one point, I could almost taste the Twizzlers, probably because I have eaten so many of them in my lifetime the taste is firmly cemented in my mind.

After "eating" my Twizzler snack, I then started to tell myself that as soon as I got home, I would head for my meditation room for some grounding. I almost made a stop at the TV, but instead, headed upstairs and did some yoga and deep breathing. Around 7:30, I had calmed myself enough to eat a terrific dinner.

Yesterday was a success. But it also reinforced to me that I am so not over my demons. I know why they popped up yesterday; somehow, that doesn't make it any easier for me.

But I used two tricks I had learned, and they worked. Mind over matter. I pray today is better.

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