And that proves one thing to me: These weeks fly by so quickly, why muck them up by making bad food choices? Just get it done. Once and for all. Then I won't have to agonize over food. Do you have any idea how freeing that would be? To eat normal portions because that's all I want. And to make good food choices because that's the kind of food I crave. If I'm hungry in the middle of the day, I'll have a big glass of water, because maybe it's dehydration and not hunger that is making me crave food.
It's hard to imagine that for some people, that's entirely natural.
The reason I started thinking about all these issues is an e-mail I received from a friend. She says she has been eating chocolate covered raisins and nuts, and in the past four weeks, she gained four pounds. This is an amazing amount of weight for my friend to gain, because she is one of the more disciplined people I know. I have a hard time sympathizing, because I have been known to gain four pounds in a day.
My goal this week: To eat like a normal person. To plan all my meals and snacks, eat what I plan, and not think about food when I am not eating. If one day I am too busy to plan my meals, I will make great food choices because I want to. This is my hardest goal ever. But it needs to be done because above all else, I have to conquer my eating issues.
Because eating issues I have by the hundreds. There are days I think it would be easier if I could put a label to my eating disorder, because then there might be a way for me to stop my yo-yoing. I'm searching for the magic key that will keep me thin forever.
I know there is no such key. But if I meet my goals this week, maybe -- just maybe -- it's a step in the right direction.