What did I do?

It was very scary opening my blog this morning to see my fat body staring out at me. What is really sad is that I thought I was smiling when Jack took my picture. I guess I am in pretty bad shape internally as well.

Time to fix that.

We are planning a trip to Tuscany next summer, and I swear I am not going to Italy in fat clothes, if for no other reason than they take up too much space in my luggage.

Weight Watchers is a wonderful diet, but this losing .2 pounds a week is really getting me down. It's a wonderful maintenance plan, and when I finally lose the weight, I will keep attending meetings.

But right now I need desperate measures, which I swore I would never again result to. What I am basically doing right now is the old Weight Watchers -- really restrictive but healthy. I am eating lean protein -- mostly chicken and fish, with a little red meat from time to time -- lots of green vegetables, and limiting myself to three pieces of fruit a day. But I am counting the veggies and fruits into my daily PointsPlus, something you do not have to do on the new plan.

I love the new plan. And one day, I hope it can be the way I eat. But it's not working for me. Bottom line: I have an eating disorder. Tell me I can have all the fruit I want, and portions be dammed. I think that info hit me when I ate a whole watermelon recently. I am not talking about the seedless varieties that run small. I'm talking about the watermelon with seeds, almost impossible to find, that weigh more than a small child. Unfortunately, that watermelon was just one of the fruits I consumed that day. There was also bananas, strawberries, an apple and a peach.

Is there any wonder why I am not losing weight? It's not a good thing to tell a compulsive eater that she can eat something to her heart's content, unless that something is celery or iceberg lettuce.

Right now, I don't want choices. I want to get up each morning and not think about food. I want to know that each day I will have a salad that contains grilled chicken or shrimp and an apple, and for dinner, a green vegetable, some protein, and another piece of fruit for dessert. Because I really dislike breakfast, fruit is my new way to go. If I am feeling energetic, I might make a whey fruit smoothie. And if I am famished, which for some reason I have not been since I started eating this way on Monday, I will have a few pieces of Melba toast, because I will never overeat those. Sort of like eating cardboard.

I have not got on the scale this week -- Monday morning was too much of a shock to my psyche -- but I will this coming Monday. I also did something I haven't done for years: took my measurements. I will also do that every Monday, because losing inches is so much more important than what the scale is telling me.

I'm back! Let's see how far I get this time.