I have admitted before that I am a compulsive eater, that I know I have an eating disorder -- the same addiction that plagues alcoholics and drug addicts.
I am not talking about anorexia or bulimia -- neither pertains to my issues. I am talking about my inability to stop eating once I start. Nothing anyone says can derail me. Once I start, watch out. And once it ends, I not only feel physically horrid, emotionally I am a wreck.
I know thin people look at me with disdain, asking themselves why I have no will power. They assume many things, including:
1. I am not a strong person.
2. I don't care about how I look.
3. I am a failure.
None of those three items is true. I am an extremely strong person in most other aspects of my life, although when I am at the point I am now, insecurities start impacting my life.
I do care about how I look, but when I am eating uncontrollably, I am not thinking about lovely clothes.
Failure? I have a wonderful husband and three terrific, educated, thriving adult children, who all chose exceptional mates to spend their lives with. Failure? I think not.
So what is it that keeps me from dropping weight? I'm not sure, but I think this blog is going to be the perfect place for me to try to figure this all out.
Thank you for your honesty. I struggle especially with the judgements other people make about my weight and eating. I'm finishing up writing a book called "About My Hunger" which explores the issues I face as a compulsive eater. Don't you find it strange, the moment I think I have this problem sorted out it throws a new wrinkle into the mix. I've just started a blog too (www.aboutmyhunger.blogspot.com). Let's keep in touch!
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