Who am I?

I'm reading Deepak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga" very slowly, because I really am trying to absorb everything he is putting forth. Today, I read a page, and then meditated on it for 15 minutes.

Chopra instructs that you close your eyes, take several deep breaths, and then ask yourself every 15 seconds "Who am I?"

Of course the first things that popped into my mind were wife, mother, grandmother, my job. Question No. 6 was the one that almost made me cry because my answer was "serial dieter." And I am. Have been for more than four decades. How sick is this?

It makes me want to beat some sense into my thick brain.

Yesterday I admitted that last weekend, I wanted to eat EVERYTHING that wasn't nailed down, and unfortunately I did. Yesterday was a repeat of the weekend: I wanted to eat EVERYTHING again, but resisted the urge. Yesterday was miserable, because the battle within -- raging between Palin, my bad inner girl, and Hebzabah, the one who only eats well -- was extreme. After dinner, the girls in the family wanted ice cream, and Jack was almost on his way to the store when I told him I didn't want any. That broke the spell, and instead, I had a cup of tea and a Weight Watchers pop, which at 4 PointsPlus, fit into my daily total.

I woke up today with a smile on my face. And the first thing I did was pray that the battle within will not be as fierce as it was yesterday.

Motivation

Every Monday I wake up committed to a week of healthy eating. By Tuesday, I start fighting with myself, and by Friday, I've kissed all my resolve good-bye.

So here's my latest attack plan to keep me on track: I have notes everywhere I sit for more than 10 minutes. That means at my desks -- work and home -- in the kitchen, in my car, in my bathroom, in my bag. And all notes say the same thing: Be strong.

For me, this is the simplest way to remind myself often that I need to stay the course. And sometimes, just seeing those two little words are what keeps me from reaching for something I shouldn't eat.

On days when I don't get enough sleep, and I know eating well will be problematic, I take a cue from Sarah Palin -- I write those two words on my palm. Cheat sheet.