Day 5

This little guy depicts exactly how I am feeling this morning: happy and worthy of a gold star because this is my fifth day eating clean.

Monday I decided to ease into Paleo gently, because I knew I would be going out to dinner Wednesday night. Wednesday I woke up almost paralyzed, first because I was going out, and second because my friends decided Mexican was the way to go that night. In most cases, Mexican food contains everything that makes my digestive track scream with pain.

So I prepared. Checked the online menu and decided to order steak -- hold the beans and rice -- which I did. I know the steak was not organic, grass-fed, but it was steak, accompanied by non-organic guacamole, salsa and a vinegar coleslaw -- about as Paleo friendly as I could get. I also followed Paleo guru Robb Wolf's drink trick -- tequila with fresh lime and seltzer. Definitely lip puckering, but baby sips made that drink last through the four-hour gab fest I had with my friends. I focused on the conversation and them, and was able to pass up the two desserts that kept circulating 'round and 'round the table.

Was it a perfect Paleo meal? Nah. But did it make me feel in control and really proud of myself? Absolutely.

But most importantly, it convinced me that I can embrace a Paleo  lifestyle and not feel deprived. I can go out to dinner -- an important part of my life -- and if I plan and make good choices, I can eat well and be happy.

I am so tired of diets that control my life and make me miss out on living. I am tired of weighing and counting. I am tired of eating straw and telling myself that it's not bad. And I am tired of the latest food craze.

I want to eat clean, unprocessed foods. I want to shop the perimeter of the market. I want to look at my grocery basket and say there is nothing in it that will clog my arteries.

Our days on Earth are numbered, and I want to enjoy each and every one of them to the fullest.

A start and an end to the day

Two recipes to share today, one my ode to fall, because it really is around the corner, the second, a great way to dress up grilled fish.

The first recipe came about after I read that Starbuck's Pumpkin Spiced Latte is back, which is sheer perfection for your taste buds, and anything but perfection for your body. And it is so not Paleo. My version is not the same, but honestly it is pretty terrific and definitely reminds me of the cooler weather that is just around the corner. And check out my mug: from my favorite non-profit, The Center for Family Justice that fights domestic and sexual assault in six Fairfield County towns in my neck of the woods.

Good Morning Punkin'

1 cup organic black coffee
1 Tblsp. canned organic pumpkin
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 Tblsp. organic coconut oil

• Mix everything in a blender, whirl for a few seconds until frothy, and pour into your favorite mug. Makes 1 cup.

Our friend Tom Giordano has the best hobby in the world: fishing. And he knows how much we love the blue fish he catches in Long Island Sound, and thankfully is willing to share. The following is an adaptation from what I call my fish bible, James Peterson's "Fish & Shellfish." It's an adaptation because I omitted the tablespoon of brown sugar in the sauce. If you're not Paleo, add it. If you are, believe me when I say you won't miss the added sweetness.

Indonesian-Style Grilled Blue Fish

Two bluefish filets, cleaned and trimmed
4 shallots, peeled
2 garlic cloves, peeled
1 Thai chilies or 4 jalapeno chilies, seeded (I used one jalapeno but included the seeds, where most of the heat lives)
Two 5-inch piece of lemongrass, finely sliced
Juice of 2 limes
1 14-oz. can full-fat unsweetened organic coconut milk
2 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. ground coriander
Salt

• Place the shallots, garlic, chilies. lemongrass and lime juice in the container of a blender and process until everything is finely diced.
• In a saucepan, add the paste and the remaining ingredients, except for the fish. Bring to a boil and gently stir every few minutes to keep the mixture from sticking to the pan. Keep boiling until it thickens to a paste. Season with salt to your liking. Peterson says the mixture should be very salty, but personally, too much salt is off-putting to me.
• Smear both sides of the fish with the paste.
• Grill the fish for five minutes on one side over medium heat. Flip, add some of the past to the cooked side, and cook another five minutes.

Makes 4 servings.

Patting myself on my Paleo back!

Why is the patting taking place? Because today is Tuesday and I made it through one day eating clean Paleo.

And last night I was asking myself why I had ever gone off this way of eating? I actually had an answer:
1. Laziness: Although Paleo meals are delicious, you really have to plan, grocery shop and cook -- and sometimes that mix is not easy.
2. Boredom: It usually starts when I am craving a pizza with sausage and garlic, that contains everything my stomach hates: bread and cheese. If I could only remember before we order the pizza that I am going to be up all night with stomach pains and heartburn maybe that order would never happen.
3. I HAVE NO IDEA. If I knew, I would unlock the reason why I stop eating good-for-me foods and fill up on junk.

I want this all to stop.

Once and fall all and forever.

Yo-yo writing

It's hard to maintain a blog, especially when life gets in the way.

It's also hard to write when you lack a focus.

Since I first began this blog I have been on too many diets to count -- even though the purpose of this blog is to not diet.

And that means I am a fraud. It also means I am human, and like many of the thousands of people who want to lose weight, the only way we can do so is to go on our favorite four-letter word: DIET.

We feel in control. We pat ourselves on the back when we weigh, measure, count Points or eat only watermelon for a day. And then one day a switch goes off in our brains and we just start eating. Maybe just a nibble here, but hell, since you had a nibble might as well stuff your face.

And start your diet again the next day.

Been there? Then you know that next day often occurs three months later.

Can you tell how angry I am at myself?

Tomorrow I am waking up and starting to eat Paleo once again, because according to all the testing I had done last summer, it is the way my body wants me to eat.

So I'm back, writing again.