Mind games

Saturday morning started off just fine. I exercised, and by time I hit the 8 a.m. Weight Watchers meeting, I had already walked 10,000 steps and did 30 minutes of weights.

I was ready for at least a 3-pound weight loss, because I had been absolutely perfect last week in my food choices, exercised daily, and I was weighing in the morning instead of my usual Thursday night weigh-in.

So when I got on the scale and was told I had gained .4 of a pound, I went ballistic. The poor woman who weighed me in realized very quickly that anything she said to me was not going to calm me down. I felt like going home and eating everything in sight.

All day Saturday, a battle was raging within. Half the time I was dreaming about chips, licorice and ice cream, the other half, I was internally screaming at myself to stay on track, not only because my daughter's wedding is around the corner, but because it's the healthy thing to do. Saturday was all about mind games. What a horrid day.

By about 5 p.m., I was so down on myself, I had convinced the inner me that I cannot lose weight. I suggested we get our favorite pizza -- garlic and meatball -- for dinner. But -- and it's a big one -- I asked my husband if he wanted pizza or grilled chicken salad. Jack knew I was not in a good place, and told me he really wanted the chicken salad. I know he was doing that for me, and he'll never know how much I appreciated that decision. Our salads were incredibly tasty, and exactly what I needed. Eating good, clean food calmed me down.

Why the weight is not coming off is still a mystery. But eventually, if I keep on track and keep exercising, eventually I have to start shedding pounds.

It's all about changing my lifestyle. And yes, I am following a diet -- more on that tomorrow -- but the diet I have picked really is an eating plan. And daily, I am not putting my head on my pillow until my pedometer reads 10,000 steps. Saturday night, to my amazement, I tracked 19,354 steps, a much better -- and so much more mature way to deal with my frustrations. Eating everything in sight hurts who? ME! Nobody else.

Today, I can honestly say that I am very proud of myself.