Eating disorder

I always DVR-ed past seasons of the The Biggest Loser, watching only the weigh-ins and the weekly update. This season I am watching it on demand because NBC does not allow fast forwarding. I am forced to watch the highs and lows of what each of these courageous contestants is going through. Talk about emotionally upsetting.

It has caused me to have lots of conversations with myself, and now I am finally able to admit that I have an eating disorder. And although there is no name for my disorder, that does not diminish the effect it has played in my life. In a group, I can laugh at my on again/off again diets that I have tried over the years, but they are so not funny. In fact, nothing about the way I eat is amusing.

The only thing that separates me from The Biggest Loser contestants is the switch that goes off in my mind that makes me start dieting when I reach a certain weight. But our issues are the same.

I'll never forget my oldest daughter, Caitlin's, reaction to our family Christmas card when she was in middle school. Our three children were kneeling in front of that year's Christmas tree, which we had just chopped down at Jones Tree Farm in Shelton, CT. Caitlin despised the picture, because she thought her thighs looked fat. Instead of going on a diet, Caitlin decided to start exercising, which eventually led to her lifelong love of running. I should have followed her example.

But finally admitting that I have an eating disorder is huge. Now I have to figure out how to fix it. Heather Wellness: You listening?